tie a string around my finger, maybe then i will remember

A few years ago I had to stop watching crime dramas. The episodes that depicted children hurting or parents losing a child were simply too heart wrenching--after an episode would end, my arms would ache to hold my boys, who were always sleeping in their beds by then. It always took everything I had not to sneak in their rooms and lift them out of their beds and rock them. I would have horrible nightmares those nights, too so I quit watching. But it's not just crime dramas that make me feel like that. I remember sobbing when Izzy lay in bed with Denny who had just died (Greys Anatomy) and just yesterday, while watching last weeks epi of Private Practice I could hardly hold back the tears when a dad had to decide to either expose himself to a fatal bacterial infection so he could be with his 9 year old daughter while she died or to let her die by herself so he could be alive for his 2 year old son. Excruciating.

It's not just fictional TV shows that make me stop and think about how blessed I am to have my husband and my children with me. Back in July, when I heard of Randy Pausch's passing I spent a day or two being intensely grateful for them and our days together. But then, as it always happens, life's daily struggles and stresses took over and I went back to taking them for granted, forgetting to give them their extra squeezes, a softer scold, a wink to say 'I love you.' It just happens, I suppose and I'm not the only mother who is guilty of this, I am sure. But today, I return to introspection. This morning we got news that Marc's cousin lost one of her 4 year old twin boys to a very sudden illness. I don't know if this hits harder because 1. I know Mindy and her husband and 2. I have a four year old but regardless, I ache. Life is so. so. so. fragile. For everyone. We simply can not afford to take it for granted. We can not take any one in our life for granted. I am reminded of something that Howard W. Hunter, (14th President of my Church) said in his Christmas devotional fourteen years ago. I was fourteen; it was profound and touching to me then and it is profound and touching to me now:

". . .mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again. . ."

I don't want to forget this lesson again--I always seem to forget so if you see me with a string around my finger, I am simply trying to remember it this time.