39 weeks and going nowhere

Today I am 39 weeks pregnant. Or so the Dr. says. I'm a bit skeptical since I know my dates and originally thought my due date was May 3 but when I was 9 weeks I freaked out, thought I was miscarrying and went in for an ultrasound to find the baby had a healthy heartbeat and was measuring 10 weeks instead. Hence, a new due date: April 26th--next Monday. So today I am 39 weeks pregnant and I had my last scheduled doctors appointment before my due date.

It's always an appointment that makes me cry because while some women walk around for weeks dilating and effacing knowing their body is a ticking time bomb, my body doesn't do anything. Not a thing until I'm actually in labor and then I go 0-10 in a day or so. I know my body does this--this is the third time. But I was hopeful anyway as I went to my appointment today. And I was discouraged and hopeless, same as the other two times, when I walked out--when I hear that I'm still going nowhere I feel like I might be the first woman to be pregnant forever.

I've heard that I should just be induced by so many women I can't even count. But I've never had a doctor offer that as an option for me, (even when I cry and act desperate at my 39 week appointment)--since my cervix doesn't make any advanced progress induction increases my risk for a c-section. Last week my doctor thought it might be an option; today he didn't because my cervix was in the exact state I told him it would be in--closed tight. It's okay, I don't really want to be induced anyway but I do get tired of hearing that I should just get induced and getting looks of doubt when I say I can't. I'm not crazy, my doctors (all three different ones) really don't think it's a good idea for me.

My discouragement is multiplied by the fact that my doctor is leaving for Houston to have middle ear surgery on Sunday, the day before my due date and he'll be out for a whole week--until May 3rd, my original due date to be exact. Because I'm not showing any signs of progress we made a plan, one that I'm not sure I can live with: if I haven't had the baby by next Monday, I have an appointment to see one of his partners. If I don't go into labor by myself before he gets back from his surgery he'll induce me on May 3rd or 4th. That's 2 weeks from today-- in other words, an eternity.

On top of all of that, I am getting pressure from different directions to have this baby sooner-- a lot sooner. I have a sister in town until Wednesday so she and my mom REALLY want me to have the baby before then. Marc wants me to have the baby on Saturday. Anderson says many times a day he wants the baby NOW. And I am powerless to oblige any party, really, though I tend to side with Anderson. Now would be nice.

The glimmer of hope only comes when I remind myself I've never been late before, but what if my original due date is really the right one and I really do have 2 more weeks left? *sob.* I just can't bear to think about that.

And for curious eyes, here are my progression shots:

12 weeks

17 weeks

26 weeks

39 weeks

The cheesy grin is caused by Anderson who right as Marc was taking the picture was wandering around with his green blanket over his head and ran right into the bottom stair and wobbled a bit before taking his blanket off to see what he'd run into. Quite like a scene I remember from E.T. Funny boy.

And may I be terribly blunt and beg you not to say "hang in there." That and "at least it's not the middle of summer" are two of the most annoying phrases I've been hearing lately! Thank you, friends.