In my plot to organize my house (you know, all the hidden stuff that most people don't feel the need to organize), on Wednesday night, I ran across written documentation of something a boy from the past said to me that at the time confused me and instead of calling him out on it, I let the statement simply make me feel not good enough. So, when I read about this circumstance from the past, and because I'm afraid my sweet sister might be living this awful portion of my life out in her own life, I conjured up all those dark and sad feelings I had seven years ago and sat and cried as I listened to Miranda go off on Shepherd because guys like him don't see girls like her. Marc thinks I'm nuts!
Fast forward to this morning. (Clap your hands for me, I made it to the gym by 8:30 with two 
boys in tow!) I was on the treadmill running and thinking, running and thinking when I heard the first notes of You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This by Toby Keith in my earphones. This is a song that reminds me of said boy from above. And, said boy was also a runner. And six years ago, I wasn't a runner and that is part of what made me imagine I wasn't good enough for him. About half way through the song I had gotten into a great running cadence and I started to feel strong. When the song finished, I replayed it and ran through it again. With each verse and chorus I felt stronger and stronger and by the end I could have shouted, but didn't so as not to embarrass myself, what I've known all along. I am good enough, and I've always been good enough.
boys in tow!) I was on the treadmill running and thinking, running and thinking when I heard the first notes of You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This by Toby Keith in my earphones. This is a song that reminds me of said boy from above. And, said boy was also a runner. And six years ago, I wasn't a runner and that is part of what made me imagine I wasn't good enough for him. About half way through the song I had gotten into a great running cadence and I started to feel strong. When the song finished, I replayed it and ran through it again. With each verse and chorus I felt stronger and stronger and by the end I could have shouted, but didn't so as not to embarrass myself, what I've known all along. I am good enough, and I've always been good enough. This isn't about a boy, though. This is about me. I've always been plagued by the insecurity of not being enough or good enough for this or that or him or her. I don't know why I do this to myself but I do and have for as long as I can remember. I know that tomorrow something might happen to make me feel insecure again, but I also know that for 3 miles today I felt the healing power of running and it felt good!
(BTW--For some reason I still don't consider myself a runner even though I've run 1 marathon and 1 half marathon and continue to run and train for upcoming events. If that doesn't constitute a runner, then what does?)
3 comments:
You are an amazing person inside and out...don't ever forget that!!
You're not only a runner, you're a marathoner!! If you have the dedication to train, and the endurance, strength, and fitness to run a marathon than you can do anything.
i love you D
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