April 15, 2011
You're Gonna Miss This
I have a problem. Not a huge problem, really, but if left unchecked it could be. And from what I can figure, after thinking about it since yesterday morning, my problem stems from me being a "planner." I like to plan things--from the big things like having babies (which is why this whole 4th pregnancy thing has been so tough to wrap my mind around that I almost sound flippant about it if you ask me about it on the wrong day) to my kids birthday parties (Carter's 7th is coming up and I'm hoping it'll turn out fun for the kids,) and holiday meals. I make lists. I have a calendar that I write things on--because I still kind of like doing things the old fashioned way with pen and paper. I am a planner. And it typically gives me things to look forward to. Right now I'm looking forward to an Easter Egg Hunt/Dinner with my family next weekend, Carter's 7th birthday party in about a month, and then the obvious--the last day of school and having our baby which pretty much coincide. Does this sound like a problem yet? Not really. It's the typical life of anyone, right? But yesterday I heard this: on the radio after dropping Carter off at school and I sat and cried in the driver's seat of my van in my driveway for a few minutes as I realized that instead of enjoying every precious moment with my boys right now, I am looking for the next big thing--Easter, birthday party, and most often just not being pregnant anymore and having this baby! Every "young" mother has heard it so many times it almost makes us sick, I think, that we need to embrace our stage in life with littles running around "messing up" our clean houses, "messing up" our plans of going to the gym by getting sick, making our grocery shopping excursions "difficult," . . .I could go on and on, right? After a few tears (and Anderson thinking I was a nut job) I went on with my day. . .cleaning up, running errands, making phone calls, being a supportive wife/sister/friend, making dinner. And then at the end of the day I came across this quote: "The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead." {Marjorie Pay Hinckley} Again, I thought to myself, I'm guilty of that! Especially right now. I just want to not be pregnant anymore and get on with my life. I say often, that I love Christian's age (11 months) and wish I could enjoy it more but I'm nearly 34 weeks pregnant and finding it quite difficult to care for him so I often find myself wishing my days away, waiting for better ones ahead when I can get back to life. This probably seems reasonable to anyone who has been pregnant before and on one side of the coin I think it is--but on the other--I could be better at being okay with where I'm at right now, this day, this moment. Because after all, I do know it now--I'm gonna miss this and I'm never going to get back to this--having little arms wrap around my neck and kiss my cheek or my "waist" (or lack thereof) and kiss my baby bump, while I rest on the couch. Or immediately smile when they see me for the first time that day, or any of the other very special things little ones do to tell their one and only mama they love her.
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8 comments:
I feel the same way often: especially when I was pregnant. Wishing for the days ahead and then wishing I didn't wish for them. I too often get frustrated when my kiddos "mess up" my plans (gym, shopping whatever) b/c I too am a planner. But I found this quote recently and it has helped me to enjoy the present a bit more.
"When you are exasperated by interruptions, try to remember that their very frequency may indicate the value of your life. Only people who are full of help and strength are burdened by other persons' needs. The interruptions which we chafe at are the credentials of our indispensability. The greatest condemnation that anybody could incur - and it is a danger to guard against - is to be so independent, so unhelpful, that nobody ever interrupts us, and we are left comfortably alone."
-Anonymous
from The Anglican Digest
Love you!
Love that song!! Well said. I feel the same way too. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath, and tell myself to relax. You are doing a wonderful job.
Thanks for the heart-warming moment as I watched this with "my boys". Life is too precious to wish away for the future. Love you lots friend.
As soon as I read that quote from Sis. Hinckley I wrote it on my quote chalkboard in the kitchen. Thanks for sharing and thanks for the reminder. You know I am totally in your shoes and before we know it we'll be missing those little kicks in our empty tummies and wondering why we wished it to end.
Girl. You are awesome. See, you have the desire to do one of the most difficult things to do in whole wide world. Find joy in the now. The right now. The baby spit up, mud on the carpet, laundry to do, right now. I cheer your quest! I have to remind myself to jump on the joy in the journey train often, because it does not come naturally!
You expressed yourself so well...and we are all guilty of those same "when is the next event going to happen..." feelings. But, we are human, and special events are exciting too! The daily grind does get to be tiring, absolutely intensified while being prego, but this is what we also find joy out of :) A fresh load of clean laundry PUT AWAY, and a mopped floor, stocked fridge, and sleeping children !
Great post! Really, thanks for sharing. I think it's easier to look back and say "I wish I had enjoyed that time more", but it's important to make an effort to when you're in the moment.
So fun catching up on your blog this afternoon!! This post, especially hit home. I want to strangle people when they say "You're gonna miss this", but whenever I hear that song on the radio, I go through the same emotions as you!
You're a champ, Diana! Loved hearing your thoughts today. I needed this!
xoxo
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